Those awkward public restroom sounds

You all know what I'm talking about, farting, poop plopping and the occasional buzzing...yes I said buzzing.

If you are like me (boy do I hope you're not - it's crazy in here) then trips to public restrooms are a trial in self-control. I always have been and will always be hyper sensitive to bodily sounds in public places where I don't know anyone. Totally different story amongst super close friends and family though as I know many of you can attest.

The other day I was in a stall and there was someone in the stall next to me equally sensitive from what I could tell - you know not making any noise but very noisily running the toilet paper roll around and around. I took note of her shoes - not sure why I did but I always do and I am of course assuming she was a she. They were brown snake-skin open toe mules with thick black heels at about an inch. If my sisters were with me they could have told you the designer. I'm not that good or that interested.

So I finish quietly of course, exit the stall and proceed to wash my hands vigorously - I've become a bit obsessed with clean hands. Actually I was stalling. As I was exiting the stall I heard a very distinctive and tell-tale buzzing. Oh yeah - I said buzzing. It was brief but I know that's what I heard. So in my head little Kryspy was saying - "There is no f-ing way that's what you think it is - you're at WORK???!!!" Well I couldn't hear it while the water was running but as soon as I turned off the faucet there it was again. And it was intermittent so I could hear it going on and off, on, off, on longer, off shorter.... I dried my hands and slowly exited the restroom - little Kryspy in hysterics in my head.

In the hallway I was debating sticking around, maybe loitering near a desk with a good view of the door so I could see whose shoes I'd seen. I was convinced I was going to have a huge laugh over this. I had my phone - I could take a discreet picture or better yet go back in and record! I think I'm sick but it was really funny. They were really old looking toes!

Just as I had a game plan worked out on how I would catch this person I heard that buzzing again. What's going on? Little Kryspy stopped laughing for one second. When I realized it was construction work on the floor above me I almost peed myself - in fact I probably would have but I had just been in the restroom. I'll give you a second too...

Why is it that all this really funny shit only happens to me when I'm alone and can't immediately share it with anyone?

Hope you all laughed out loud and fell out of your chair as your boss walked by :)